College roommates are like a box of chocolates…

…you never know WHO you’re gonna get!

But for real, the world of college dorms can get ridiculous at times. Some people go to school with their best friends and room together. Some people live alone. Others get randomly paired with another person.

Roommates can be awesome. Or alright. Or make your life a living hell, if you’re so unfortunate. I have heard so many stories from my friends over the years, so I figured I’d share some with you guys.

My all-time favorite story of horrible dorm-mates was from my friend Danielle. She lived in a suite that had four people living in it. It was a nice size dorm, with a big kitchen/living room area, pretty big bathroom (for a dorm), and two bedrooms. The only problem with her suite is that NOBODY would stay for very long once they moved in. Danielle was on the volleyball team at her school, and she lived with another girl from the team who was from Russia.

We’ll call this girl Christina. Well, every time Danielle would use a bowl, she would put it in the sink and wash it later. But Christina* would yell at Danielle, saying that she would “be a bad housewife” if she didn’t wash her dishes immediately after using it. Like…excuse me? She moved out.

Then there was Tabitha.* She was all of 4′ 9”, but she must have thought she was 6′ 5″ with the way she tried to start fights. Tabitha was short and tan and had jet black hair, which of COURSE she wore in a pouf as an ode to her idol, Snookie. And she honestly belonged in an episode of J-Shore with the way she acted. Her favorite past times included yelling at the top of her lungs, and smoking cigarettes in the suite bathroom and rubbing the ashes on the toilet seat. She moved out, too.

Next up: Sha’Quonda.* This girl thought that she was from the hood. When in all reality, she wasn’t. And there were ALWAYS black guys coming in, yelling, “Yo Sha’Quonda, where you at?” ALSO- moved out.

Sarah* was next. She was just simply a whore, and Danielle spent many a night being sexiled to the couch. Moved out.

But wait– there’s still two more! Tasha* loved eating fried chicken alllllll the day long. She also snored like a lumberjack, and got high in the bathroom every day. Apparently, there were no smoke detectors in that bathroom.

Last but not least was Fookmi*, who was Japanese. She was nice and all, but she would cook food that looked and smelled like throw up. She also loved to invite 234983274 of her Japanese friends over and babble to them in Japanese. We didn’t care, but it really starts to get on your nerves when you hear people talking but can’t understand ANYTHING they were saying.

Finally, the semester ended, and Danielle moved back home. No more dorms for her. Lucky bitch…

Some other examples of crazy shit:

  • One of my friends was on her computer, when her roommate violently awoke, sat up, solved her Rubik’s cube that was sitting on her night stand, and then went back to sleep.
  • Another friend was rooming with a girl who, when they moved in, told my friend that she was a lesbian and that she wanted it out in the open so there would be no surprises when she brought her girlfriend over. My friend wasn’t bothered by it, and stayed in the same room….until she realized that every time she came back from the shower or tried to get dressed, her roommate would stare at her. O_o
  • Yet another friend mispronounced her roommate’s name for a month before her roommate corrected her.

I’ve had pretty good luck with roommates. At Fredonia last year, I was going to request to room with my cousin. She was born a month after me, and we’ve been best friends ever since birth. Growing up, we always talked and dreamed about going to the same college and living together. But when we tried to request each other, the admissions counselors told us that best friends and family members that room together always end up fighting. So, we decided against it.

But when I got my housing letter a month later, Rachael was my roommate! I was ecstatic. From the day we moved in, I couldn’t have been happier with my living situation. Don’t get me wrong–we fought. But we’ve always been very open with each other, and always spoke our minds, and we ALWAYS apologized. We’d be fine within a day.

Living with Rachael was awesome. We’d take turns surprising each other with Starbucks. We could fart whenever we wanted to. We did laundry together and usually had little lunch dates. We did everything together, and it made us even closer than we already were. We even went poop together (in separate stalls of course, but who wants to go poop alone?).

We did such ridiculous things as puff-painting faces onto our laundry bags, and giving them names. One day, Rachael even got in one of the laundry bags and hopped around like a one-man potato sack race. We always checked the mail together, so that the other didn’t feel left out. We shared everything, whether it be clothes, makeup, food, computers, etc.

Life was good, and I’m glad I was so lucky to live with her my first year of college. It made the transition to college so much easier.

Now that I’m at my second college, though, I only really have one complaint:

that I have to walk all the way to the bathroom to fart now.

*names were changed to avoid bitch fights and drama…and to protect identities, I guess. And yes, I picked the most ridiculous names that I could.

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